Honest Thoughts

I lay my running clothes out the night before I go to bed in anticipation of an early morning trail run. I wake up the next morning at 5am and make the decision that the soft, warm bed is where I will stay. But, I cannot fall back asleep. Thirty minutes later, I am out of bed and begin my day in a non-running day much earlier than usual. Olga is already out the door and getting in her customary road miles in the dark, cold, windy morning. She has the same excuses I do, but she still manages to make it out the door. Where is my motivation?

My Grandmother passed away just after Thanksgiving. She was as close to a mother as one could get and played a crucial role in my upbringing. But, now, she is gone and I am sad. There were many things I wish I would have said to her about how grateful I was for her presence and support. Although she isn’t physically alive, her voice lives deeply and clear within my mind. Training for a race right now seems inconsequential.

The disappointment of not getting into Western States was quickly whisked away by the simple act of holding Olga’s silver buckle. Why I hadn’t don’t that sooner, I will never understand. Thankfully, I was selected via the lottery to run Massanutten and that is now my Western States. I have absolutely no regrets and hope everyone with their sights on Auburn next June have a satisfying journey. The lottery, however, continues personally for me in regard to Massanutten. Olga is on the wait list and it would warm my heart if she could somehow get selected to run in the mountains of Virginia next May. Time will tell…

Less than four weeks until my first 100k, but I lack the motivation to train sufficiently. I realize my perspective of “sufficient” may be considered more than adequate by some of my friends. But, I am habitually hard on myself mentally and sometimes good just isn’t good enough for me. I struggle with it too often, but that has been my personal struggle in life, even without running: the personal pressure I easily put on myself without consideration of circumstance. The irony is I wouldn’t consider doing that to someone else. Stepping down to a hard effort 50k is beginning to look very appealing.

It’s time to focus on the race in May. Coincidentally, it’s held in the same mountains where my ancestors first settled when they immigrated from Switzerland back in the early 1700’s. The course has my full respect and I will train as best I can in order to give my best effort. Time will be spent this weekend as Olga helps me devise the best plan to get me confidently to the starting line. Yes, it will be difficult at times, but, more importantly, my attitude must be correct to ensure the best opportunity for success. I’ll need to be less critical of myself during the next five months, which is nothing short of a monumental task. But, I am ready to give an honest effort. No excuses.