Honesty

(Desolation Wilderness, California)

I had a solid week of training this week, fresh off Olga and I’s vacation to the Tahoe area. It was inspiring watching Western States from the sidelines. If that wasn’t considered a “hot year” at Michigan Bluff, I dare fathom how bad it could be.  The time we spent in the snow covered backcountry was exceptional.

And, so, after challenging early morning weight lifting sessions in the gym, where Olga noticed I had increased my squats to 240 lbs, I journeyed back two nights ago for a hill workout on the dreaded treadmill. Four, ten minute repeats at 7% incline beginning at an 9:00 minute pace. An introduction to the hills, if you will. I had to keep reminding myself it wasn’t a hundred, but just an hour of my time. And, without my iPod, I was left only with the sounds of my breathing and the cadence of my footfalls.  I completed a tempo trail run last night and was able to get my heart rate up to 95% on the flats, somehow.  The warmth and high humidity most certainly helped as was apparent when I compared my pre run and post run weight--4 pound loss.

Since Massanutten, my attitude towards training has changed drastically in a positive way. I am committed to giving my best effort during each training session. My weight training has never been more consistent and I’m seeing the result in strength gains. But, the transition has been difficult due to a lethargic feeling in my legs during many of my runs. But it is getting better. During every session, whether in the gym, road, or trail, I see a clear picture in my mind of the goal. An opportunity to give an honest effort at a hundred. No more lackluster training which has provided solace for an excuse to not do well. I have a very high standard for myself, but, thus far, I have chosen to not complete all the workouts, especially the harder ones, thereby, giving myself a quiet excuse. The benefactor of low training, low quality mileage. Somehow, I have managed to do fairly well based on many peoples’ standards. But, that doesn’t change my perceptions.

The need to being honest with myself is humbling and difficult but the acceptance is liberating. It’s time to push over that final hump instead of remaining in the comfort of “just good enough”. Here I am at 217 pounds in June 2004. It’s a picture I took to remind me of where I once came, when running a flat road mile took me almost twelve minutes and I had no more energy to continue. There has been hesitance to share, but necessary to express the “where I have been” and understanding I’m still progressing.

Last week, while Olga and I chatted with a 72 year old Danish man named “Bent” in the midst of sumitting Mt. Tallac, he spoke words that will not soon leave my thoughts. “You’ve got to keep on going.”, he said. This was in reference to aging and breaking through the mindset that climbing and hiking in the wilderness is a fools folly for the older folk. It’s actually, the opposite. It’s a necessity, according to him. And, that is what I plan to do. Life and living doesn’t end until that final breath. If I’m fortunate enough, I’ll have the opportunity to part that same knowledge to the next generation on a mountainside when I’m his age.