Transparent Thoughts

In the interest of being transparent about what my race goals were for Ozark, I've posted my original pace chart, along with the actual deltas to the plan.  Obviously, my time goal was extremely aggressive and I knew that going into the race.  Trying to run a 21 hour time at this race is a monumental task, but my thought process came down to if I didn't try I would never know.  Nevertheless, I began the race at a very conservative pace, which still seemed a little quick for the terrain, but I wasn't labored in my breathing so I maintained the pace.  While I was surprised that I hadn't reached the first aid station when the time elapsed at 1h34m, I didn't become too concerned and marked it up to the distance being a little longer than advertised when I rolled into the aid station 11 minutes later.  I didn't change my pace going to Sutton Bluff and, instead, decided to accept the first aid station distance was long and the next section would be short, thus, making up the time.  But, it didn't work out that way. Another 13 minutes given up to the clock.

My strategy after mile 17.6 was to just maintain the pace I had been running, since it seemed easy and I saw no relevant reason to push the pace--I wanted to have plenty in the tank for the last 30 miles. The realization that I would no longer meet my overall time goal wasn't difficult to acknowledge and I easily accepted I would just continue to leak time to my pace chart.  Keep in mind that I was battling a lot of mental and physical fatigue since mile 8.  The legs felt great and were never sore since I felt I was laying back on the pace, but I was doing the best I could given my strong desire to just rest.  That feeling stayed with me until I DNF'd. Never did the thought that I had 94 more miles (102 mile course) cross my mind.  It was all about just getting to the next aid station.

When I got to Highway DD at mile 51 (exact midpoint), 12h04m had elapsed, which was way off the pace chart, but, again, I had accepted this very early on in the race. I found it interesting that if I removed the 15 minutes spent at mile 43.5, I would have, technically, ran my fastest section to mile 51 with a 13:01/mile pace. But, it still seemed slow in that section, even considering I also tried unsuccessfully to take a nap along the trail. 

What this post comes down do is simple.  I'm not as good as I thought I was in my mind, which is humbling.  But, it's good to take a strong look at what my capabilities truly are.  I'm not making excuses, but, instead, openly admitting that any small success I've had at running 100's required a lot of things to line up perfectly for me.  The reality is quite clear.  Given that I have more in life than just running (i.e. being a good husband, father, step-father, friend, employee, and general student of life), my race goals need to be adjusted, accordingly.  I'm not willing to compromise on other areas of my life to train more for better results.  Either, I find a way to train smarter without adding more time to a training week or just accept that where I'm at now is as good as it's probably going to get.  Plus, maybe, I'll enjoy the trail a little more without putting unrealistic pressure on myself. Maybe, I should plan for the worst case time scenario and plan drop bags accordingly and, if the stars do line up that particular day, then it will be a pleasant surprise.  This may be the best approach, since it will take a lot of pressure away that I always put on myself for a race.  Just some thoughts rolling around in my head today...