Quest for Purpose

There are times in our lives when we come to a crossroads. Sometimes, they are frequent and, at time, may occur at the most inopportune time. While I have come to intersections in life where the choices were difficult, especially considering the, sometimes, multitude of choices, I’ve done my best to choose carefully and wisely. I find myself, again, at one of these points.


Maybe, as we get older and become more aware of our own mortality, we, as humans, sometimes take a look at where we are in life and question our purpose and direction. Is sitting inside a cubicle for 9+ hours each weekday working, through email, working on spreadsheets, and creating presentations a purposeful life? One has to wonder. The best advice I can offer someone young is to lead a purposeful and deliberate life and not to just let your path be determined by flow of the stream or river. You may just end up so far downstream that it may seem impossible to swim to shore only to realize that where you wanted to go was on the other side of the divide where the waters and paths lead to an entirely different destination. Hopefully, that metaphor makes sense…

It’s easy to get pulled into the financial aspect of a good job. I’ve never been one who was motivated by the possibility of promotions or raises—ever. But, those things still, surprisingly so, in many cases, came on their own over many years without understanding if I really deserved them. Lifestyles changed, as they often do with more money, but thankfully, I wasn’t careless with finances. Regardless, I’ve come to realize that money, past the point of basic needs does not, personally, buy me an increasing level of happiness. Being able to buy a German sports sedan or a large home doesn’t motivate me, although I could purchase both of those things today if I wanted. Instead, I want experiences. The car will, eventually, get a few door dings, the new car smell will fade, and the big house will be full of constant reminders, whether it’s new furniture, high utility bills, maintenance, repairs, et al. Yes, there are many who desire and have those things and there’s nothing wrong with that, but for me, personally, I would eventually take those things for granted and look for the next thing to provide a temporary high and get sucked into to a cycle that many don’t even realize they’re in. Is it strange for me to be envious of the guys mowing the corporate lawn each week while I’m walking between buildings to another meeting? Maybe, they’re envious of me, but I’m not.

I’m not certain what caused me to question my purpose in life, but it’s something which I’ve pondered for several years. Possibly, those solo backpacking trips to the mountains where I wouldn’t see another soul for days provided ample opportunity to be with myself and step back from the day-to-day monotony so many of us experience. And, that monotony isn’t meant as condescending, but, rather, recognizing how easy it is to get so wrapped up in our own worlds that we never have time to execute an honest assessment of how satisfied we are with the life we are living. Getting caught up in the keeping-up-with-the-Jones’ mentality is something that comes to mind.

Thankfully, I don’t want to keep up with the Jones’, even though, at one time, I was making somewhat of an effort. After all of these years of floating downstream letting the waters carry me where they may, I have become tired and decided to swim for the shore. Now, I’m standing on the bank, still dripping wet, feeling a little cold, and observing from the side as the current takes others swiftly past where I stand. Looking back upstream, I see a high mountain ridge that stretches to the horizon. My next steps will lead me on my journey, but to where is unknown. What I do know, however, is I’m not jumping back in that river…