Contemplation

Contemplation.  What is the meaning in each day we live?  Recently I’ve been comparing my son to what I did at his age.  That took me back 35 years to a time that doesn’t seem that long ago.  Although an enormous amount of life has passed since then, it really didn’t seem that long ago.  And, then, I did the reverse.  I added 35 years, which would make me roughly 80 years old.  After pondering the past, the future seemed to shake me into the reality that it isn’t that far away.

How much life can I pack in the next part of my life?  And, the more macabre thought, “will I be alive in 35 years?”.  In simple terms, none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.  That is a fact.  And, while, statistically, it will most likely arrive just like today did, it doesn’t give us cause to become apathetic and unappreciative.  Instead, we should acknowledge that every day is a genuine gift.  We have the freedom and choice to do what we want with today, if not physically, at least mentally.  I have struggled for all of my life with happiness and living true to myself.  Many of us live, or have lived, in co-dependent relationships, whether it be with family, friends, acquaintances, or even coworkers and bosses.  Thankfully, the one thing I have is my health and with that gift comes an enormous amount of freedom very few realize exists.  By recognizing the gift, it is important not to take it for granted and squander it unknowingly.

Balance is the key in life.  I’m certain most people fortunate enough to make it into the later years of life wish they didn’t work so hard—I’m not referring to being lazy.  Instead, what if we spent more time with our children instead of away at work. After essential needs are met, money only provides incremental happiness and I’m certain our children would prefer our presence and involvement more than anything else.  The same goes with the companionship of our partners.  Living a more simple life can bring things that seem impossible into reality.  The key is to stop living someone else’s dream, believing status is essential, and live your own life.  I didn’t think it was possible to live more simply and I fought my own will for a few years in protest, but eventually, I have softened.  It’s liberating.

I recently returned from ten days hiking and running in the San Juan mountains.  Overall, the experience was invaluable.  There were times when I wanted to be somewhere else besides out on the trail or wanted the steepness of the trails to subside.  The storms on the mountain peaks and ridges made me fear for my life, mostly because I wanted to keep living so much—call it “unfinished business”.  Holding on so tight in an ocean of fear hoping and praying I would be spared death so I could continue living and experiencing life.  Possibly, that fear was hiding the hidden regret that I haven’t lived life the way I have wanted to and am now trying to make amends with myself and live the next part in completeness.  Regardless, at the end of each day and by the next morning, I yearned to be back in the high hanging valleys, ridges, and peaks to experience it all over, again.

There’s not much else to say that can’t be portrayed in a few pictures…

Kendall Mountain (13,006 feet)

Run down Hematite Trail (Cunningham in background)

Boulder Gulch

Upper Hematite Lake Basin

Bear Creek Trail (Olga on Trail)

Storm on top of Green Mtn--13k feet (expression on my face = fear)

Yellow Flowers on unnamed peak on Columbine Trail (This is why I go to the mountains...)