Reflections during a run...

I woke up this morning with grandiose plans of running 22 miles on the trails in McKinney Roughs Nature Park. This park is a hidden gem for trail runners, that is used, mostly, by equestrian riders. Most terrain east of Austin is pancake flat, but this park has lots of hills and borders the Colorado River. Plus, the pine trees interspersed with Oak trees makes it unique in it's setting so close to town.


I overslept for the run this morning, but, thankfully, Brian and Noelle, who drove me to the park were very understanding and I made us late leaving our homes by about 10 to 15 minutes. My wake-up call from Noelle at 5:30am wasn't meant to be that type of call. It was supposed to be a "we're leaving the house now to come get you" call. Thankfully, I had most of my things organized from the night before and was quickly out the door. There were several of us from the club who met to run this morning. We finally began just before 7am in temperatures hovering around 80 degrees and the humidity was hanging thick in the air. My iPod wasn't working and my normally organized self was not so much this morning. I couldn't find my hand-helds for my bottles when we got to the parking lot. I thought I had left them at home. Little did I know I had left them on top of Brian and Noelle's car roof once I got out of the car. The brain definitely wasn't working the way it should this morning. I told the group to go ahead and start while I finally got organized. I ended up running by myself for the majority of the run, which I didn't mind.

Within 10 minutes of running, my shirt was soaked. Not that I was surprised, but the spider webs that I had to bust through on the route I chose weren't exactly fun. It was a nonstop bonanza of getting plastered. My legs were, also, not cooperating. I wanted a strong run today but it wasn't happening. I ran in a mountain race last week. These hills were tiny, in comparison, so why was I having such troubles? The heat and humidity were definitely culprits, but so was the fact I had the deepest tissue massage ever done on my quads (45 minutes worth) on Friday afternoon. My run the day after Jemez was far easier. I began taking pictures and messing around on the trail because I just couldn't make my body do what my mind wanted it to do, but I still wasn't pleased. I, eventually, ran into Noelle, who was running the opposite direction on one of the trails. She could tell I wasn't happy with my run. She said, "get out of your head!". Tough words, but very true. Before she said that, I was going to stop after one 11 mile loop. I kept going and moving forward and letting my body dictate the pace. I began looking around more and observing everything around me. It's actually something I do a lot on the trail, but I was doing it more during this run, in particular. I was taking pictures of wildflowers. I even got a close-up of a green spider on a flower. It was also nice to run on soft pine needle covered trails in spots.


After the first loop, I was at Brian and Noelle's car getting ready for another loop. Noelle came in not too long after. She told me I had nothing to prove by running another loop and she was right! I made my way out to the trail, again, and, instead, did a little bit of running, but hiked a lot of the 4 miles of trail I chose. I saw a pecan tree with a circumference of 12 to 15 feet. Thankfully, there were a few people on horseback next to the tree to put it in perspective. I walked along a very sandy trail next to the river. I kept taking pictures, mostly of flowers along the way to document what I saw. I was experiencing a lot of self reflection during the process. I was headed to a scenic overlook to lay on top of a picnic table and rest.

When I arrived at the overlook, I sat on top of the table and put my feet on the bench. I put my face in my hands and began to sob. I wasn't sad. I was, actually, happy and relieved. I was letting go and being kind to myself. That is what the run today had become for me. There was no reason to beat myself up about what I couldn't do on the trail today. Several months ago, when I made the decision to "jump of a cliff", I was frightened. It was something that was considered courageous by others, but I wasn't so certain. Especially, considering I had no idea what would result from my actions. It was the first time in my life that I actually began doing something for myself. It was selfish, but necessary to wake up and begin living life. I've said it before in my blog: yesterday has passed, tomorrow isn't here, today we must live. I'm certain there must be a quote by some famous person out there with that saying, but it's something that I have figured out on my own. All we can do is do the best we can today. One of two things will result. Either, tomorrow doesn't come or we will have laid a great foundation to start the process all over again. "Today" still has it's challenges, but it's our attitude in how we react that determines our success. I may get knocked down along the way, but I'm jumping back up, dusting myself off, and moving forward. And, I will continue smiling along the way. And, that is what occurred during my run today. I gave my best, realized a strong run wasn't in the cards today, gave myself a hug and told myself "it's ok Larry", and smiled.

I ended up laying on the picnic table for about 1.5 hours waiting for my friends to finish their run. It was cool, relatively speaking, with a nice breeze coming up the slopes. It was important that I experienced the reflection at the overlook. I was happy, smiling, and thankful for everything and everyone around me. I just laid there staring up through the trees towards the moving clouds and patches of momentary blue sky. Even though it's difficult, at times, it actually gets easier every day. And, I've probably smiled more in the past few months than in the past several years. I'm living and enjoying every piece of life and it's difficult to not smile at that!

I'll leave you with a few of the wildflower pics I took and a quote by Rainer Rilke at the very bottom... "You have to live life to the limit, not according to each day but according to its depth. One does not have to do what comes next if one feels a greater affinity with that which happens later, at a remove, even in a remote distance. One may dream while others are saviors if these dreams are more real to oneself than reality and more necessary than bread. In a word: one ought to turn the most extreme possibility inside oneself into the measure for one's life, for our life is vast and can accommodate as much future as we are able to carry." -Ranier Maria Rilke