Contemplation of the Mind

Time is cheap.  Or, so we think in our younger years.  But, with the passage of time, we truly begin experiencing life and gaining priceless wisdom absent in our youth, although provided abundantly by our elders.  This Summer, another birthday passed—no fanfare, no cake with candles, a quiet dinner out with Olga.  And, maybe, that was the best way to experience it.  Instead of counting up the years, I find myself counting them down.  The math I crunch in my head gives me cause for concern.  Where did the time go?

This Fall, I’ll forego that important long trail run on a Saturday and, instead, take my son on our annual day road trip to the beach.  As the years pass by, I’ll remember that time at the beach and will soon forget that long trail run.  Our children grow up incredibly fast.  In what will seem like a week, he’ll be out on his own and forging his own path in life and experiencing that same delicate balance of time, which, at his age, will seem cheap.  I, always, worry if what I’m doing is enough and do my best to cautiously choose my words and actions with him.  Many times, it’s what we don’t say and the actions they witness which imbed into an individual’s memory.  That is how I remember learning the way of life as a child.  Thankfully, I had many good mentors to help me along: my Grandfather, Grandmother, Uncles, Aunts, and, of course, my Mom.  I feel blessed now, although, at the time, with the lack of a father in my life, I felt rather sorry for myself.

The most important thing in my life, though, is my wife.  She’s perfect for me.  We occasionally argue, have disagreements, but always, in the end, make amends and appreciate our stubbornness is an action to be understood as individuals—it’s that simple.  Like many individuals, she quietly sacrificed her own dreams and goals to the benefit of others.  It’s important for me to ensure she is happy.  And, although, each individual is responsible for their own happiness, I strive to do what I can to remove barriers so she can thrive.  In a way, I work to remove the clouds from the sky so the sunlight can shine down upon her and reveal the vastness of opportunities available to forge a fulfilling life. 

On the running front, training has gone quite well this year, namely this Summer.   I have an end-goal in early November and all the pieces of the puzzle are slowly falling into place.  I surprise myself on almost every run.   Earlier this Summer, another iPod died a slow, wet death, thanks to the Texas humidity and I’ve been running for almost two months without music blasting in my ears—it’s been quite nice.   I’ve become very self-aware of my body’s rhythms of breathing and cadence while I run and it’s very meditative.  And, now, there’s an unopened iPod Olga purchased for me that sits on my desk at home which I have no desire to open. That’s an uncommon response.  When I become focused on a goal that’s personally important, I have the ability to become extremely focused.  It’s rare with my running, but this, in a way, is the end-game.  This will be my last 100 miler and, for a change, I am giving an honest training effort—no self-sabotaging the required workouts so I’ll have a quiet excuse post-race why I didn’t do as well as expected.  I must cross the finish line knowing I gave myself every opportunity to do as well as possible leading up to the race, even if the finish time isn’t what I may prefer.  And, this is all tied back to the first sentence in this post—“Time is cheap.”.  It’s time to appreciate the value of each day, week, month, and year.  And, I am beginning to believe this is what has driven my solid training this year.  The realization there are other experiences I’d like to focus on in life besides just training for a race.

 

July 2013

I may be identified by many who believe I am a runner, but that is not who I, truly, am.  It’s just a minor part of myself.  There are so many experiences in life and it’s necessary to make room for those endeavors by letting go of some of the past.  I’ll still run, train, and participate in races, but let’s get realistic.  As we age, the body doesn’t recover as quickly as we’d like.  We become more confident in ourselves as we discover what is important in our lives.  At this point, devoting time and energy to 100 mile events is overburdening.  A nice long hike in the mountains with my wife is much more appealing and will continue to occur more often as time passes.  In the end, it’s the people in our lives that matter most, not the call to chase fleeting dreams of satisfying an ego in order to be identified as an ultra runner.  The only goal, short-term and long-term, is to get to the mountains as often as possible.  That is where I find my peace, where my soul thrives, and my heart soars.