Past, Present, and Future

This past year was one with a lot of personal change for me. I went through many life changing events. I won’t go into the details, since they are personal in nature. Many know pieces of my journey, but only one person, with whom I met on a mountainside last May, knows how all the pieces fit together. I had moderate success at a few races. And, during my second 100 mile race in August, I came to the realization I had lost the desire to continue and wanted to, instead, spend the rest of the evening off the course with one I love. A hot shower followed by a great meal in a Japanese restaurant with Olga will forever be remembered. It was, also, at that race when I began to assess my motivations for running races. While the processing of my thoughts took a few months, afterwards, it was a choice I knew was the correct one for me. And, as the races I would normally run in the Fall approached, I found myself entertaining the idea of running them. But, I managed to stick to my plan, and as each race passed, it became easier to manage my urge. I felt, at times, as if, I was trying to break a habit or mild addiction. Thankfully, I can now approach my running with a, mostly, clear mind. This past Fall, I began focusing on building a new foundation for my running. I ran my first 10k on a whim, as well as, my first half marathon in the same fashion and, in the process, discovered how difficult road running can be. It is an entirely different mindset compared to the trails. One thing that is happening, however, is my appreciation for the trails, when I do get to run on them, is growing strong. In October, I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time illuminated by the moonlight on a crisp pre-dawn morning. It is a vision I hope never leaves my mind. I was fortunate to visit several beautiful places and meet many people. And, my relationship with my son is growing stronger as the days pass.

This year will be another one with a lot of anticipated change. As each day passes, I am learning to live in each moment. It is easy to allow one’s thoughts to overwhelm to a point where we are paralyzed with the seemingly insurmountable. Anxiety surfaces and, before we realize it, life seems much worse than what is reality. Taking a step back, taking in a few deep breaths, and focusing on the “now” can make all the difference in the world. My troubles are insignificant, compared to many in the world. I am grateful for my life more than ever. At times, it doesn’t seem possible to experience all that I want in life, due to our limited time on Earth. But, I do what I can to make the very best of each day. One of my best weapons is to realize my attitude is the key to happiness. Coping with adversity with a positive attitude that everything will work out has been my best plan of action. While I don’t believe in luck, per se, I do believe an individual’s perspective on any given life situation will determine how the eventual outcome is perceived. And, even if the outcome isn’t favorable, it is an excellent opportunity to learn from the experience and apply it in the future. Nothing is impossible: our minds often limit our true potential.

My plans for running this year are straightforward. I am being as methodical, as possible, in selecting which races I will run. I’m in the final weeks of preparing for my first marathon. While I have ambitious goals for the race, my success is determined by my attitude toward the overall experience. And, I have garnered a new found respect for anyone who runs the distance. It has its own set of unique challenges. I’ll return to the Zane Grey course this April to run it in the traditional west-east direction. For me, it will be a special weekend, since it was the place where I first met Olga at the pre-race dinner. I saw her the next day on the course, where I passed her early, but, later, she would blow by me while I was sitting on a big rock and completely out of gas. Those were interactions which lasted only seconds and I never could have imagined a few years later, after meeting again, what would transpire over the next several months. It just proves that life leads us down paths in ways that may not make any sense at the time, but, eventually, all the pieces of the puzzle are assembled and we, eventually, see the outcome clearly. In May, I plan to run in an inaugural 50 miler in Idaho, which looks like a lot of fun. And, eventually, I will participate in a 100 mile race in September along the Pacific Crest Trail. Everything I have been doing since last month is a slow buildup to September. I am very excited about it.

It’s really difficult not to smile about this year. There is a lot more that will happen on and off the trail. But, I am a superstitious individual and don’t want to jinx anything. I’ll just keep quiet, for now, and smile.